Let Anna Die!!!!

While travelling with one of my colleagues he happened to mention about some Anna Hazare who has gone on hunger strike in Delhi. He added that some eminent personalities like Kiran Bedi are also supporting him for some Lokpal Bill. That made me curious about this Anna about whom I have never heard before though the Indian media has made me aware about all trivial things in life – where Indian team members went after and before winning the world cup , what Rakhi Sawant said in her Swayamvar and some struggling model swearing to go nude if India wins the World Cup. But I was not made aware about this 72 year old personality Anna Hazare at least in the last 28 years. I feel our news channels or media as a whole is conspiring to make every citizen of India feel that they and their future is full of corruption, rapes, accidents, broken marriages …….etc. and nothing good has happened or will happen be it politics or social life. Selfless people like Anna who have given their life to society are seldom talked about. Now blame it to TRPs….
We as a society are so complacent with corruption, bad roads, power cuts, long queues……. that our conscience is almost dead. Till the time the problem is not affecting us directly we are not bothered. We have to be somebody in India; a common man cannot even take a BSNL connection on time. He has to be somebody if he wants to get connection on time. And we are so busy in our pursuit to be somebody that we have stopped questioning the obvious!!!! A 72 year old man is trying to bring back conscience to the society and proving that a single man with strong will is equivalent to an army. I feel we should allow people like Anna to die in their hunger strike only who are trying to bring our conscience alive which is almost dead and making life difficult for us...(Atleast for me) Anna we are happy in our daily dose of Saas Bahu serials or just paying some money to traffic police to avoid challan or in listening to so-called news channels for our quota of gossip on rapes, accidents, superstitions, and politics…..Please don’t try to get our conscience alive, we have lost hope. Please let us survive in our complacent world. YOU MUST DIE!!!!!

Getting married!!!

Well let me admit that throughout these past 27 yrs which I have spend on the planet earth I had been giving gyan to others on marriage and relationships etc etc…but now today when this Frankenstein monster of marriage is standing in front of me with his mouth wide open I feel all my gyan is leaving me alone to fight with this Frankenstein monster. More than feeling of happiness and enjoyment(as one is supposed to be or people smartly pretend ), I feel I am surrounded with apprehensions about future (which is always unknown),feeling of saddling up with responsibilities ,a different kind of qualm is surrounding me . Suddenly I have started seeing all my friends who have got married as some kind of knights who have won some battle and ever married men or women should have been embellished with some bravery award.
As someone rightly said There are only two tragedies in life: to have and to have not. And I am caught in this dichotomy of life. Various people are scaring me with their advices as one lawyer friend ( who himself is getting married in couple of month )gives me advice that marriage is a legal contract between two individual to create kinship , which is highly pro women in India and with all examples how a married man can land up in jail every now and then….. But I am wondering why the hell he himself is getting married. It seems after listening to all these examples that life of people have turned upside down and still they are making me believe that all this changes in their life has happened for good!!!! It remind me of my college days when ever we happen to see some very bad or boring movie after coming back to hostel when every someone ask us about the review we don’t forget to praise and eulogies it so that these people should also go through same torture and waste of money as we have gone through .I hope this is not the case this time ……
All elderly people seems to be believer in old adage that love is a temporarily insanity which is only curable by marriage. And they want it to be cures as soon as possible in my case .They say a known devil is always better than an unknown devil .In my case the devils is known to me I wonder how people would have dealt in case of an unknown devil !!!!!
I hope I would survive this change in my life.……. Amen!!!!!!!

What others will say???

Well I don’t know what made me write a blog on this topic at 2’ o clock in the morning, probably it was the discussion with one of my friends who has decided not to express his feeling to the girl he feels he loves as his family will not approve this relationship or just that I didn’t had much to do at this hour??? On further probing as to why parents will not approve, he said that “They feel if they approve, what others will say”. I don’t know who these others are whose opinion matter to them more than the happiness of their own child? I feel these others are we all as society. We as a society are outwardly focused, we know what all is happening in other families but are not aware of our own house. We should be inwardly focused, first our own house should be in order and then if we are left with some extra time then we should have opinion, suggestion etc. etc. for others.
But does this mean that we should not care for what others say and the social norms??? Does an individual have absolute freedom and should all these social norms be done away with??? Well if we give individuals absolute freedom then conservatives say that society will not work while the liberal mind feels if there are restraints in society, evil practices will increase which will lead to further complications.
We as a nation are under a transition phase and this change is happening very fast due to various reasons – economic and social. Our generation is stuck between modernity and tradition. We want to like the boy or girl we marry; at the same time we want 36 out of 36 gunas to match in Kundli and also want him/her to be from same caste or sub-caste so that our parents are happy (as it matches their value system besides others will not say anything). We want best of both worlds and this might not be possible in some cases.
Many things which have happened in the recent past are quite new to our society be it same gotra marriage in Haryana, or MMS clips of some Delhi girl or corruption in the army or the surge of Indian middle class etc. We all have good, bad, ugly opinion about these issues. We may love them or hate them but these are the realities of our society. As someone rightly said, “Absolute liberty is absence of restraint; responsibility is restraint, therefore, ideally free individual is responsible to himself.” I feel we should first be responsible to ourselves then to others and when we are in the role of others then we should also give space and freedom to other individuals. If we don’t want others to comment or evaluate our food habits etc. then we should also stop evaluation of other people’s lives and let them live in peace.
We are a society under transition and changes are sometime painful, we are even scared of positive changes as we don’t know its outcome and I feel same is the case with my friend’s parents. What we often don’t realize is that our small decisions are shaping the destiny of this nation or of this world so we should not hesitate in taking decisions we believe in, no matter what others will say; as the song of the film Amar Prem says ‘Kuchh toh Log Khahenge, Logon ka Kaam Hain Kehna’……..

Maghi Mela and Male Tyranny

Ever since I have come to Muktsar, I have been hearing a lot about the annual fair held at Muktsar during Lohri called Maghi Mela to commemorate 40 martyrs or Muktas who laid down their lives for Guru Gobind Singh Ji in the battlefield of Khidrana. Different stakeholders give different descriptions of the Mela; bosses describe it as the period when one would not be able to meet the targets or one would have bumper sales depending upon the industry one is working. Children describe it as fun time when schools are closed and they can enjoy joy rides in the Mela. The foodies told me that it is the time when one gets to eat different langars and one can eat as much as they want; on top of that they don’t have to pay for it. But there is another stakeholder THE MALE out of all these who has two descriptions of the Mela which are very different. But before I get into the description given by males, let me share my experience of what I saw when the mela began. The roads were flooded with people on 13th and 14th of January – the main day of the fair though shops and eating joints were open for almost 10 days. I was expecting many families to come to enjoy the fair but as they say expect the unexpected; 80-90 percent of the people were men. Although Punjab is infamous for its skewed sex ratios but its’ not so bad that for every eight males there is only one female. So where have all the ladies gone, I was wondering!!!

It was then that I remembered the description of the fair given by “THE MALE” in some of my previous conversations. This stakeholder has two kinds of description depending upon what role he is playing; if he is in the role of son, father, husband, brother, or boyfriend, his description is completely different than that of the MALE. The father, son and those in similar roles describe it as the time when there are lots of people on the streets of Muktsar and ladies get ill-treated by the male counterparts. Men try to take advantage of the crowd.The MALE inside them describes it as an opportunity to see or feel the fairer sex more closely. I think this is the irony of a sex starved nation that the brother, son etc. is not allowing ladies to come out or do what they actually want to. It is our own thoughts as the MALE about the Mela or career choice or general outlook towards life that tends to dominate our views on how the ladies in our family should behave or act. If we are not happy with the fact that we cannot enjoy Maghi Mela with our mother, daughter or wife, we first need to change our thoughts for others’ wives, daughters, or mothers. Half of the problem would be solved that way. I don’t know how many ladies who showed up in the Mela got ill-treated, but I am sure irrespective of age most of the men must have appreciated the beauty of the ladies or judged them on their appearance; if not in public at least in their minds. This appreciation is preventing them from letting the women of their own families to turn up for the Mela; this attitude also makes them condemn those families whose women have come out in the Mela for not taking care of them.

What I feel is that both the descriptions of the Mela are within one individual; when it comes to our own families we have one yardstick and for society as a whole we have a different yardstick. We forget that we are not different from the society but a part of it so our special set of rules for our families has to submerge in our rules for society. Till the time that does not happen I do not know in how many more Maghi Melas to come, children will have to enjoy joyrides without their mothers.

Diwali Lunch

This Diwali I was quite excited to be invited by a friend on lunch, to one of the posh restaurants of Delhi, the more exciting part was that this time he was the one who was going to pay the bill and I could indulge in gluttony to eat without worrying much about the bill……!!!
Few days later while interacting with one of the employees at my office I got to know how much hardship and financial problem he was facing due to illness of his wife from the past few years and MBA within me without giving patient hearing to him soon jumped to a solution WHY DON’T YOU GET A HEALTH INSURANCE DONE ??? (We so called MBAs believe that we have the solution to all problems in this world ha ha ha …. which is so untrue). But soon I realized that he would not be able to pay the premium for insurance and no company will cover pre-existing disease…… I realized that the amount which we had spent on Diwali lunch was much higher than the amount which would have given health insurance to that person's entire family for a year...…
God has created an unequal world. It will always have, haves and have-not’s. I have always considered myself in the list of have-nots, though this feeling is subsiding from the day I have come to Muktsar. Money is one of the most powerful tools which if used wisely can bring happiness to many lives. But for any person who belongs to other side of the fence, is it bad for him to splurge money and enjoy life??As they have slogged hard to reach there, is it not their right to spend their money the way they want. Why should they sacrifice their indulgences due to someone who is a non-performer in life?? ”I HAVE ACHIEVED IT so I am going to spend it all on me”. This is the normal attitude. But is it really - I (we) have achieved it?? In one of my interactions with Mr. Geet Sethi,then 5 times world billiard champion ( I don’t know what his current record is) said that whatever he is today, he owes it to many people and society at large; on his own it would not have made one iota of difference to anything. And we people who have not achieved any thing comparable to him have such a big I. In my opinion, we all are prisoners of our birth, the family, community, country we are born in, decides to a very large extent what would be our outlook towards world, what we are going to do in our life and what our personality would be like. Very few people of extraordinary abilities are able to break this prison. We have to carry the burden of where we are born ….since it's not in anyone’s hand in which family, community, country he will be born; it is not within the 'I' in us who has achieved anything. Whatever small or big thing we are today, we owe it to many people and to society directly or indirectly.
But does that mean we should all become saints and stop spending money on things which makes us happy??? We all were born in an unequal world and will die in an unequal world and this inequality is required for the smooth functioning of society, as society needs all sorts of people at all levels and we should be thankful to people who are doing their jobs which we would not like to do and support them so that they keep doing these jobs rather than looking down at them. I hope and pray to god that this inequality can be reduced to some extent, at least every one in this world have food, shelter, good health and happiness……

Mr.and Miss.Right

Life is a constant struggle and it throws new challenges every day. As soon as one is able to answer some of the challenges, a new one crops up. I feel it must be with most people who have crossed quarter of there life, they must be facing this quarter life crises to find Mr. and Miss. Right. By passing a quarter of life, one is able to just answer some of his/her challenges in the professional field and, suddenly we realize a new challenge is standing in front of most of us i.e. to search for Mr. and Miss. Right. And then starts the never ending internet search on matrimonial sites, on matrimonial pages, phone calls, answering some silly questions, meeting the prospective family ….. I wish if we could have a Google application to search Mr./Miss Right.

I am yet to come across a person who doesn’t believe in the institution of marriage. "But you should get married to the person with whom you are fully convinced with", they don’t forget to add this caution phrase. And from here starts a never ending list or fantasies about Mr./Miss Right. It ranges from educational qualification to colour of his skin, from the salary package to how many brothers/sisters he has, from his community/cast to his height, from his personal habits to matching of all 36 guna of your kundali, from social status of family to the nature of Mr. Right and the list of fantasies goes on and on……….
Some people are fortunate enough who believe that they have found there Mr./Miss. Right (before any one could have told them to find one) but is this Mr. Right going to remain Mr. Right forever?? And for these fortunate ones, it is the beginning of convincing parents, making them believe that you would be happy with him/her only, seeking support from friends,relatives………
Well, the couples/marriages who/which have survived the test of time, I feel, are the biggest critics of each other. So if he is Mr./Miss. Right, then everything should be just perfect!! There should be no scope for criticism. In my opinion, there is nothing by the name of Mr./Miss. Right but there could be a probable Mr./Miss Right. God has made all of us imperfect, so one should not be attached to the idea of perfection. If you might have come across this probable Mr./Miss. Right, don’t let him/her go as perfect Mr./Miss right might not exist.
And remember the secret of happy marriage will always remain secret !!!

MUMBAI TO MUKTSAR

Well, they asked why you want to move to smaller town as there would be no experience for you??
He replied “Gautam Buddha got his experience in jungle so I might get mine in smaller town"

They took it seriously and sent him from land of opportunities Mumbai, to land of liberation where 40 Mukta got liberated, Muktsar. From a land of 24 hour electricity supply to a land which on some days gets only 24 minutes of electricity. That led him to a realization that man is never aware of what he has been blessed with, till the time he loses that thing; till then we feel it is our right and always keep on cribbing of want we don’t have and others might have. He realized that he had never thanked god during his stay in Mumbai - for 24 hour electricity, and for many other blessings which he might be aware or unaware of, but kept on cribbing about non-understanding boss or requested god to fulfill his other material desires ASAP or before any one in his peer could achieve it and the list goes on………I am sure it would be the same for every one???

As its' difficult or impossible to predict high and low in stock market, same it is in life; the moment one feels he is happy or doing great it can be the moment of all time high which may not come again, and the moment one feels he has not made it in life, it might be just the end of low time / challenging time which one may not face again and, would be proud of surviving that difficult time throughout his life.

The beauty of life is that one needs to live it as it unfolds, second by second and things will happen when they are supposed to happen. The choice is with us - to spend time waiting for things to happen by cribbing or by preparing ourselves for the challenges of future.

Someone once said “Chance favours the prepared mind” so one should spend the not so good time preparing for the good time as one doesn’t know when the good time will start.
And the biggest evil of all is comparison with the entire world around us. We can keep the locus of our life attached to entire world and not to ourself….We always keep on comparing ourselves with people with whom we studied, worked or who were our counterparts in some walk of life without knowing it might be the best time of that person's life and that our good time is yet to come or giving thought to what all challenges that person might have faced in his life. Comparison cannot be in isolation or in one aspect; it has to be in totality as one cannot compare apples with oranges.

In my opinion we all are unique who cannot be compared to one another. Society doesn't need one kind of people only, rather it needs people from different walks of life. Though we all would like to be Ambani, Tatas…… but as a matter of fact, society does not need so many Ambanis or Tatas…… There will always be handful of them. Can we spend our entire life in comparison to Ambanis, Tata……..??? And be unhappy? Rather, we should come out of the business of comparison and attach the locus of our life to our SELF and to what makes us happy and thank god for his blessings. I am sure, it will lead to happiness from Mumbai to Muktsar and a happier society…………..